I am ever being commented by friends for being too picky on guys. Am I? Yes you are, they said. Furthermore, they continuously said that I am also too high on standard for normal guys to reach. Once again, Am I? Yes you are, they said once again.(once again) furthermore they said, A pretty face with beautiful smile and smart wise brain makes myself falling into Ms Perfect criteria.
Hmmm....Ms Perfect, what is she anyway?
According to one dictionary that I read, Ms Perfect is a lady who so caught up in the never ending cycle of perfection and self-improvement that she has no time for a man. She is a way too uptight to let go and have fun on a date, and she rarely finds a man who she thinks is "good enough" for her. Ms Perfect spends her time and energy on perfecting herself, instead of living a balanced life that includes a relationship with a significant other. She focuses her energy on being good at everything but having a loving romantic relationship.
Hm....Do I sound like that?
Let me see myself based on those term stated above:
I. Do I always look for perfection?
I imagine that someone who always looks for perfection having a fear of being judged. The logic is the more someone fear being judged, and so the harder someone work at being perfect. If I were this someone who continuously being so hard on people, I will believe that they are looking at me with equally hard eyes, even if they are not. So, I might feel and act defensive with my dates.
Result : I dont always look for perfection and I dont have a fear of being judged coz I dont really give a damn for what they said on me he..he..
II. Do I judge men harshly?
The perfectionist woman will expect the man she is dating to be perfect too as well as expecting the same level of success in career, education, and personal finances.
Result : I have to say Yes for this condition. I do have a great expectation on a guy that I am dating. But not kind of those high expectation in career, education or money. I have a great expectation on guys to have widen and broaden open minded. No matter how rich he is or how educated he is or how good his position, when I dont find a 'qualified communication' with him, in a very first time meeting I usually already jump to conclusion that I am not into this guy.
I know this is not good since I dont have sufficient information yet to measure him and assess his situation and straightly rushing to conclude that he has not meet my great expectation. But honestly this thinking is out of my mind though I completely aware that I miss out on the possibility of developing new relationship.
III. Do I miss a loving and intimacy part in relationship?
Straightly jump into the result : Yes, I do miss a loving and intimacy part because I worry too much on every little things. I have to learn to accept things as they are even if my date or other circumstances arent as ideal as I would have liked.
I do have to dicipline myself to really get to know a man by seeing his societal identity and see who and what he is inside. If I cant get past titles and credentials, I wont truly get close to anybody.
From these three conditions, I found myself is heading into this 'Ms Perfect' direction. Our society exerts a lot of pressure on women to do it all. In a struggle that many women face daily, they are expected to be great daughters, mothers, wives, friends, coworkers, and the list goes on. This belief has led may women to seek perfection while also becoming angry, anxious, and depressed in their attempts to achieve it all times.
We should realize that we cant find the time to be successful at work and also be the kind of wives and mothers as we want. having high standards can be a very positive motivator. It becomes a problem when we dont meet our expectations and punish ourselves. Seeking perfection can ruin our enjoyment of our life.
Women, these days, walk around tremendous guilt about not spending enough time with their children and then resentment for not spending the necessary time to excel at work. Woman are sometimes caught in a bind. I do caught.
To cope with this perfectionist matter, I require myself to stop measuring myself against anyone else's yardstick and learn to make decisions that really work for and benefit me and my family. I do have to remember that what works for another woman has nothing to do with what might work for me. And dont forget to throw away the microscope that I am living under and start living :).
