"...I didn’t enjoy my sex life experience since I have known and done that for the first time. It was very painful to me. Before I got married, I had some boyfriends and although I did not have sex with them, but we did some intimacy things like kissing, hugging or grabbing for each other and I found myself enjoying that very much. But I did not know why I could not enjoy it with my husband. I am healthy enough and always maintain a healthy life. Maybe because it was arranged marriage or because my husband did not treat me the way he should be or because the bad experience that I had sexual abuse from my cousin when I was 5 years old girl.. I dont know whether my problem in this intimacy part can already be considered as female sexual dysfunction because it negatively affects my relationship with my current partner.
I have admitted to my current partner about this problem, and my partner is always encouraging me to talk about it in order to solve my problem and also sometimes he tried to touch sensitive part of my body. He always told me that he was doing it as part of the treatment, same with like u said above. I can understand it. But my brain, my mind, and my body negatively react. I still could not 100% talk openly to my partner and I always pushed my partner away every time he was trying to intimate with me...."
I read these story above in one of woman magazine and I feel interested to write it down because I found this female sexual dysfunction subject is not being written or discussed as much as male sexual dysfunction.
I think sexual concerns occur in women of all ages but may become more prevalent during hormonally vulnerable times, such as postpartum or with the menopausal transition. Sexual concerns may also occur with major illness, such as cancer. Many women experience sexual difficulties at some point in their lives, of course. Thats my term of female sexual dysfunction.
According to the book that I read, female sexual dysfunction has four symptomps, they are:
- desire to have sex is low or absent.
- do not have desire to have sex
- cannot achieve an orgasm.
- having pain during sexual contact.
Several factors may contribute to sexual dissatisfaction or dysfunction. These factors tend to be interrelated. Women with sexual concerns benefit from a combined treatment approach that addresses medical as well as emotional issues. They are:
- Physical
- Hormonal
- Physchological and social
I consider the woman story above refer to the physchological and social factor. Psychological factors that cause or contribute to sexual problems include emotional difficulties such as untreated anxiety, depression or stress, and a history of sexual abuse. During pregnancy, after childbirth or while breast-feeding, woman may experience a decrease in sexual desire. Woman may find it difficult to fill multiple needs and roles, such as job demands, homemaking, being a mother and sometimes also caring for aging parents (not parents but very demanding husband). The partner's age and health, woman feelings toward their partner, and woman view of their own body or that of their partner are additional factors that may combine to cause sexual problems. Cultural and religious issues also may be contributing factors, especially it is still not very common for women in Indonesia to talk openly about it.
Many women here in Indonesia also seem do not familiar with their own body. Communicating our concerns and understanding our anatomy and our body's normal physiological response to sexual intimacy are important steps toward regaining sexual satisfaction.
I think Open and honest communication with our partner can enhance our emotional and sexual intimacy. Some couples never talk about sex, while others are less inhibited. Even if we are not used to communicating about our likes and dislikes, learning to do so and providing feedback in a nonthreatening manner can set the stage for greater sexual intimacy. There are good books to help us with this. Ask our doctor for recommendations. It can be difficult to resolve differences in sexual desire with your partner over a lifetime. Communicating our feelings can help.
If the communication does not help, talking with a sex therapist or counselor skilled in addressing sexual concerns can also benefit us whether our condition is due to emotional factors or not, since even sexual problems that are hormonal in origin can affect our emotional health and intimacy with our partner. Evaluation with a sex therapist typically includes a review of our sexual identity, beliefs and attitudes; relationship factors including intimacy and attachment; communication and coping styles; and our overall emotional health. Therapy often includes education about sexual response and techniques, ways to enhance intimacy with your partner, and recommendations for reading materials or couples exercises. It is sure going to be a long enough process of treatment and cost us a lot too, perhaps.
So, I think we must give our best effort in communication with our partner. It is costless and the easiest way to do. Also, knowing that sexual response often has as much to do with our feelings for our partner as it does with physical sexual stimuli. We might feel sexual because we want to get closer to or communicate our affection with our partner. For us, women, emotional intimacy tends to be an essential prelude to sexual intimacy. Show affection and communicate openly with our partner about our feelings — it can help you reconnect and discover each other again and finally.....enjoying the beautiful sex life experience again and again :)
