My friends said that i look inhere nothing extra ordinary in me. Therefore, I don't pretend to be anything more than what I am. I've lived a simple quite, dedicated and secured life. At the moment, I do an ample amount of work for a non-govt-org...which has been the center of my life for the past years and I believe helping our fellow-poor man is the rent for the space we occupy in this earth, the more rent you pay the greater will be your happiness and joy in living...and I also believe in the saying that "the best creed we can have is charity towards the creeds of others."
I learned to live alone without letting anyone come into my life. I've adjusted to the sound of quiet environment. I have my pocket books. I have my music that soothes my aching soul. I have my computer which has brought me to my homepage in the internet. I have my notes which allows my emotions to flow... my heart is free to comment what I feel. Maybe that's the good thing. Otherwise my feelings would be pinned up inside of me until the day I die.
I have also my own fears...my heart lives in isolation. I fear love itself or should I be honest to say that I still fear myself of being in love. Love is so hard to obtain yet so easy to lose. When you lose love, you lose part of yourself. To lose that love was devastating. It's far more painful that I describe. I have never felt such sadness and undeniable loneliness. My heart shattered into pieces so small that even the angel's couldn't find them all. My soul cried for my broken heart but smiled for his happiness as well.
I tend to view things very differently,positively, as I stand in front of the mirror, I look carefully, cautiously. I have almost the same body curve when I was still a young woman 10 years ago, nothing has much changed, except for my stomach. Now I have the mommy's stomach so complete with its stretchmarks and flabby skin. The same chubby face with reddish hair and blue lenses eyes. I take a second look at my eyes and noticed the tears that I'm trying so hard to hold back coz I have not to feel sad, I have to look and feel happy for him. The mirror holds the reflection of the woman that I am. What the mirror doesn't reflect is my heart and soul.
As I reflect on the life that I led....I know without a doubt... God knows that I have done my very best. So far in my life I have been steady and never changing. I've been blessed in my life to have a great kids and a kind also understanding friends that will back up like boosting my ego when feeling so small and stand beside me when I am wrong allowing me to learn from my mistakes.
And as I embark on the new road...and continue my journey on a separate place...it's time for me to create the life, also love, that I really wanted. It was time for me to let go my past...time to float free from pain...I had struggled to define for myself the meaning of my faith. I began to realize that they were entwined, always had been with me to keep me moving. My faith, my pillars of strength was my only back up. As I continue praying for guidance and right direction, and grasp all the new life events ahead...my heart was still...I knew...I just knew...It's going to be all right....:))
